Friday, March 25, 2022




Continuum


I am wrestling with my mind

as she pulls me in one direction

opening scenes of destruction

while calling me to its opposite end

invoking peace and reconciliation


I am wrestling with the questions

that pop up like bubbles in water

coming up to the surface questioning

the meaning of greed and suffering

causing tears in the eyes of so many


I am wrestling with my feelings 

as the jump off a cliff taking

my heart along for the ride

while I keep calling myself back

into the breath that calms me


I wrestle with the impending 

forces warring within me

about the meaning of creation

and the path of destruction

in human history 


I wrestle with the question

if there a way to hold 

a spiritual myth big enough

to contain the continuum 

residing in existence itself 


So I pray, I chant

I dance my prayers

crying for the pain of the whole

always held by the trust 

that we are not alone

that we are loved


May we be all held in trust

May we all be loved

May we all know

that we are not alone

This is my prayer 






Thursday, July 15, 2021


 
Washington July 2021

I must write
to you


I ask
what is on my heart
since my mind is vacant
I am chasing thoughts
unable to catch them
before they disappear
around the corner

I see
and empty grieving mind
is not free, just frozen, images
scattered rusty leaves
aimlessly floating
behind my eyes, as I sit
staring into space

I watch
my wandering thoughts
walking down corridors
of a now foreign airport
filled with tired travelers
weary of each other
shielded by vacant stares

I feel
boarding a plane today
grief tearing down
the refuge of isolation
signaling the poignant loss
of the innocent reality
of coming home to his love

I miss
knowing my father 
will not be home
when I return, to ask me
"alors on the voit quand?"
in his need to have me close
and feel his world complete

I sense
I am afraid of the melancholic
nostalgia of his nearness
stretching over the years
as I have yet to live on my own
traveling the human world
absent of his tenderness

I trust 
that in the meantime
I will find him
swimming in the ocean
dancing under the vault 
of starry night skies
with trusting abandon


Daddy
I´ll miss you as I move on
holding memories past and present
aligning the arch of time
for us to meet again
in the eternal breath of time
uniting all that we ultimately are 



 





Monday, June 21, 2021

I hear words free flowing inside my head, drawn by currents of thoughts that are contrasting, opposing, conflicted. They wrestle inside me for days until they are ready to come through, my skin prickles, my heart rate increases and I sit before you.

They are ready.

My mind fluctuates between sorrow for the price that is paid by so many who are unprotected, in denial, resistant, exposed, vulnerable, misinformed, obliged to stand in the forefront of this tidal wave that ruthlessly rips away the mantles of illusion that we hold dear, that we are in control, that we could live in a world free from suffering, that we exist as islands, separate from the whole.
If you hurt, I hurt. If we hurt, everybody hurts.
These is so much suffering surfacing through the layers of our consciousness, old fears of monsters awaiting in childhood closets, dangers lurking in the shadows, a suspense that makes us hold our breath when we think of a future unknown. We thread carefully along the pathways of loneliness and isolation whether we live alone or are negotiating a space shared with others. Our humanity, my humanity, is interwoven with historical grief and suffering.
Some mornings, after a restless night, as I rise with an uncertain breath, steadying myself for another day of this life, the only one there is, I begin to move with a weary heart and a silent soul asking for guidance, inspiration and calm.
These thoughts raise tension and battles inside me when I feel a gratitude so deep it makes my heart weep; to have a home, to be able to continue to work, to learn how to make bread, to write or sculpt, as I hold myself still.
Saying yes to the battlefield alive inside me is saying yes to streams of hope, confidence and trust that we will find our communal way through these times, and open myself to moments of fury, of unconsolable despair, fear and regret. It is the willingness to say yes to death in all its forms and expressions, trusting the rebirth of Life in a new way.
In gestures so inherent to my everyday living I continuously bring my hands to rest on my body, allowing the graceful energy of Reiki to soothe and quieten my grief, fear and worry. I often bring my hands together holding the ones I love and who ask for my company from afar.
I found in the making of this sculpture a way to express my grief of loss and love that continues to unveil the miraculous delicacy of deep affection and devotion. She accompanies me in my daily practice.
May we all hold the powerful grace of paradox lightly, generously and courageously, as we witness the birthing of a new era.




New Wind

There is a spectacle out my window
the wind rises, fiercely grabbing every branch intent on testing its capacity to writhe,
leaves stubbornly holding on, showing their underside like schools of trout flashing scales mirroring the light of the rising moon
The wind extends its reach towards me, long fingers winding around crevices,
usurping nooks and filling crannies, composing high pitched tunes of wistful melodies
about empty cracks and lost spaces, lone wolves howling finding their way up the back stairs
and slipping in under my door, curling at my feet.
I listen to the call, feeling the ripples this lament brings
stirring my heart with lyrics of passion and heartbreak,
igniting the recesses of my mind, sparking lanterns
in the labyrinths of the complex world we inhabit.
I find myself praying “let all this be meaningful,
may we remember to cradle, give breath and foster
the living gift this pause is offering in the making of a better world”.
I am held by my roots, feeling the sap rising-up my spine
flowing out into my limbs, ready to withstand the swing and pull of standing tall
as I look out my window to life and death, night and day, here and there, love and hate,
you and me, within and without, us and them, truth and lies, fear and trust,
rest and sleeplessness, tears and laughter, prayer and blissful stillness.
Everyday.
I greet the soulful tunes coursing through the veins of the choices I make,
the tenderness for the ones I love,
the thoughts I let in amongst the onslaught of change shaking my bones,
showing the soft underbelly of trust, claiming patience,
discernment and kindness as we prepare for an unknown partnership
we have yet to meet.
The wind has gone, all is silent now
I am resting knowing tomorrow
I will be called again until it is time
to show up.




As times passes we look back
into the life that was
looking for keys
that no longer sing
the familiar tunes of
the melody we once knew
As times passes we breathe
beneath layers
of woven fabric
releasing humid fibers
obstructing the intricacy
of sacred air passages
As times passes we feel
between our ribs
unknown heartbeats
erratically marking time
beneath the wings
of our collarbone
As time passes our brain rattles
deciphering mysteries
of an unknown so vast
it encompasses nightmares
of a voracious organism
hiding in a persons´ breath
As time passes the delicacy
of our nervous system
adapts to the imperious
call to extend its sensitive
tentacles gathering data
about new forms of being
As time passes
we unveil untouched fields
of stubborn adaptability
curbed frustration becomes
ever renewed determination
to preserve Life
Time passes as sand
between our fingers
we loose track forgetting
the maps we once drew
now called to stillness
as we become, better.


 I shiver to the radiance of translucent skin

When rays shine upon it
veins spreading like wings taking flight
reaching out to bring life at its own pace
fuzzy tendrils reaching towards the morning sun
inciting growth to extend as far as possible
in its incessant quest to radiate
the unique potential it contains
I also see the other end, when the skin
becomes translucent as life retreats
deep into the bones of such frailty
that veins come to the surface
of a skin as thin as the most delicate petals
announcing the end of a journey well lived
I see the ache in the tides of the nature of Love
permeating every living thing


 In the name of my father

1927 - 2021

With you I learned about Love
I learned to love the sanctuary of your profound silence
I loved whispering in your ear words only meant for you
I loved holding hands while watching golf tournaments, on mute
I loved watching you admiring squirrels zoom on the edge of the balcony
I loved seeing you eating mom´s shortbread cookies as if they were chips
With you I learned about patience and focus
Your hands repaired anything that was broken and needed fixing
So many tools, bolts, screws of all sizes, cords carefully categorized
How I loved opening drawers neatly organized, knowing where things were
The sewing box next to you on the couch while you stitched ripped clothes
Gave us all a sense of safety that brokenness could be mended
With you I learned about kindness and generosity
I could always approach you and speak my mind and my heart, fearlessly
You gave us space, Denis and I reading comics, while you read your paper before school
Teaching us to practice the sports you loved with fierce determination
Always open to greet our friends and host them, playing cards and badminton with us
You are the most generous, affectionate, gentlest grandfather to my daughters and the little ones
With you I learned about the power of sheer stubbornness
Your will to be self-sufficient and master the movements of an aging body
Pushing back against the unyielding strain of a slow decline
I am witness to the times you diminished the pain of so many falls
Only to comfort and reassure the ones around you that all was well
Denying the herald of a time when you would leave your wife and family behind
Now rest dear father of mine for your journey has moved on
May your flight be unencumbered, open to the spaciousness of mobility
I imagine you, as you once told me a cherished memory,
You, ecstatically dancing under water in the mists of a squad of stingrays
May the joy to be free from suffering always be with you
You are forever in me, the ones that love you and the ones you loved
Until we meet again
Your loving daughter